Penny for my thoughts

untitled

2009-01-30T11:52:00.000-08:00

It's 3:52 in the morning, yet I can't go to bed. There are thousands of things flashing back and forth in my head. Between my brain and my self, I don't think it has the connection anymore. The week has been a tough one to bear. At the end of the day, I was restless and counting at the clock. Staring at it as it ticks its way around. I keep reaching to find anything that is close to me, gazing at it. Trying to find something less lifeless than my self, who's been lying on my bed for quite sometime and feeling numb all over.

Then I felt a pang of unpleasantness washing through my body, and everything went rigid for a second. It gives me a moment of panic, but then I realized that there's nothing else I could do about it. I hold my breath, as the moment passes by, I know, I know, I have to let it all go. As I exhale i feel something heavy swirling down to the tip of my toes. What went wrong?

I woke up at 5:23 AM, all sweaty with heart rates faster than a bullet train. My breath was short and I feel like I'm back to the reality. From a short nightmare that have been haunting me all week. The truth is, I don't really know which world are better for me at this moment. They both are sending me warning signs.

I want to get out, yet something pulls me in and I'm stuck in between. I sat on my floor Thinking. But my brain won't compromise. Its frozen. I rest my head onto the wall and cry, maybe if I let it out then I would feel better.

Detik detik terakhir...

2008-11-14T02:55:00.000-08:00

Sedih, senang, stress, ketawa, cape, marah2, nginep, deadline, deg2an...kayanya semuanya udah pernah dilakuin bareng anak2 satu kantor. Jadi kenangan manis, pait, asem, pedes, asin semua juga dah campur baur. Cuman emang itu sih yang bikin jadi sedap dan mengasikan. Memorinya yang jelas ngga mungkin terapus dan patut dikenang seumur hidup (ciyeh)...meilankolis mode: on hihihi...

Dari pertama dateng ke studio ini yang bener2 have no idea apa sih? Maksudnya sih ngerti animasi tuh apa cuman belom pernah ke dalem studio animasi gtuh. Hari pertama kerja langsung ketemu sama team CS yang bakal jadi team saya. Waktu itu cuman ada gue, vici, juan, aris, errin dan sogleh plus team toonboom di depan meja kita. Trus ngebangung CS bersama orang yang baru dateng juga kaya kudhatama, jhuri, mas prie dan anto. Masa2 deadline emang ngga ada abisnya, sampe nginep berapa hari di studio untuk satu project yang ngga ada abisnya. Sayang semuanya tinggal kenangan waktu satu2 anak CS pada cabut. Tapi kenangannya ngga mukin abis dimakan waktu and I'm glad we stayed friends and keep in touch with one another till this day. CS emang masa2 bahagia gw di IFW.

Terus saya pindah ke rollbots, pertama2 yang parno abis. Secara gw belom pernah pegang tv seri dan ngga bisa bayangin gimana nge-manage pipelinenya long form. Cuman untung ada orang2 yg bisa ngebantu saya untuk jadi seperti sekarang. Dan enaknya lagi anak2 rollbots asik2 semua, walopun dulunya saya ngga gitu kenal tapi setelah kerja bareng sangat menyenangkan. Apalagi anak2 saya! wah spesial semua :) Makasih ya udah sabar sama gwww...

Kalo bagian team compositing beda lagi neh... he he he...it was a special team that always there for eachother and armed with great sense of humor dan kepala sukunya emang bisa bikin teamnya jadi kuat seperti sekarang ini. Makanya saya demen nempel2 di section itu buat candaan, apalagi kalo lagi stress trus kesitu, pasti ada aja bahan2 ketawaan buat mood gw jadi lebih bagusss...

Overall it's been great to work here, I gained so much experience that is priceless and I learned a lot from others. I meet so many friends that will be forever irreplaceable. I feel honored and proud to have work with such talented people and I will treasure it for the rest of my life. Thank you for everything and good luck to you all :)

Lebaran Sebentar lagi...

2008-09-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

Udah tinggal 3 hari menjelang lebaran, ngga sabar nungguin makanan khas Idul Fitri seperti biasanya. Menu si mamah sih setiap hari raya, pasti ada Rendang, Opor Ayam dan Sayur Paya. Anak-anak kantor pada bingung dan baru denger kalo ada nama makanan sayur pepaya. Ada yg nyeletuk, kok buah di sayur. Padahal itu makanan kesukaan saya. Intinya sih, ngga beda jauh sebenernya ama kuahnya opor ayam tapi bedanya di dalem sayur paya ngga ada dagingnya sama sekali dan banyak serutan pepaya muda. Aduh kalo dimakan pake lontong dan kerupuk ngga ada duanya deh. Sampe ileran nih ngomongnya.

Anyway, seminggu sebelom lebaran anak-anak kantor sudah mulai satu-satu missing in action. Yang paling sedih sih waktu di tinggal yang biasa bareng. Berasa banget, jadi sepi dan ngga betahan di kantor. Kejam sih ditinggal masal begini. Biasanya kalo ditinggal kan satu-satu dan dengan jangka waktu, jadi ngga terlalu kerasa. Kalo satu hari langsung breggg barengan...sedih juga euy.

Karena udah biasa hangout di Batam ama anak-anak kantor, musim mudik gini saya jadi bingung mo kemana. Secara, anak-anak yang biasa diajak maen pada di kampung halaman semua. Seperti hari ini contohnya, Bangun tidur keponakan dateng lompat-lompat di kasur. Dengan berat hati bangun deh sambil mencoba ngumpulin nyawa satu2 dengan hitungan detik. Belom lagi 2 keponakan yang berbicara se cara bersamaan di waktu yang sama. Mata saya merem, melek, merem, melek. Kepala berat (akibat ngga tidur sampe saur) trus rasanya kok aus ya? Setelah berhasil ngasih misi ke kedua keponakan, mereka lari keluar kamar dan itu berarti saya punya beberapa menit sebelum mereka kembali.

Abis mandi, keponakan dah pada ribut mo tidur siang. Jadi pulanglah mereka, which is good. Jadi sekarang saya bisa tenang. Nonton deh Nodame dari Uku, ternyata lucu jga film serinya. Cuman setelah dua episode bosen jga. Matiin MacBooknya Oki trus ngambil novel, baru juga dua chapter langsung ketiduran. Bangun-bangun udah jam 4, hadeh hadeh. Alamat ngga bisa tdr nih malem. Jam limanya nganterin si mamah belanja dan berjubel-jubel dengan sesama umat karena dah mo lebaran. Balik-balik udah tinggal 2o menit menjelang buka puasa, yah sekalian aja atuh makan di deket mall. Jadi makan Mie ayam kumplit ampe kekenyangan. Abis itu sempet-sempetnya si mamah beli kompor minyak yang haru saya jinjing keliling mall karena beliau masih mo liat-liat barang.

Sampe rumah diajakin teraweh kok males bener, si mamah udah kasih tatapan maut. Tapi saya tutup mata dan akhirnya setan-setan sekitar saya menang deh. Jadi nonton film Happily Never after, which is boring abis dosa kali ya? Jadi pengen nyari film yg berinspirasi. Eh ketemu Freedom Writers di kompinya Oki. Yah di tonton atuh film na, aduh saya nangis berapa kali itu tadi ya? Abis itu jadi baca-baca biographynya dia di internet. Ah masih terharu....

Besok rencananya sih ada reunian sama temen-temen smp dulu and mo ketemu bareng-bareng. Seneng deh, soalnya jarang-jarang bisa ngumpul begini. Apalagi yang dua udah mo nikahan bentar lagi. Ya sud...semoga besok bisa lebih aktif lagi dari hari ini....hai hai....

Manisnya dunia...

2008-09-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Akhir-akhir ini lagi kepengen makan yang manis-manis. Apa faktor puasa gituh?
Yang jelas kalo lagi di mall trus lewatin toko-toko kue beraroma sedap, aduh cobaan skali. Apalagi kalo liat kue yg kecil-kecil trus atasnya suka ada kiwi atau strawberry, ah luluh hati ini melihatnya.

Cuman kalo ngomongin yang manis-manis saya mah paling demen sama es krim. Dari jaman es krim venetta sampe ke toko es krim favorite dan so far belom ada yang ngalahin toko itu.
Ketemu juga ngga sengaja. Di mall terpencil yang jarang di kunjungi, cuman karena ban mobil pecah jadi nunggu ganti ban. Lagian musim panas and lagi 100 degree (Fahrenheit) kan panas tuh, jadinya pas liat mall jadi kepengen ngadem. eh pas di depannya ada toko eskrim namanya marble slab. Ngiler-ngiler ngeloyor lah saya kedalem.
Liat-liat pilihan es krimnya ternyata ngga banyak, tapi rasa-rasa es krimnya beda dari toko yang laen. dan banyak toples-toples berisikan kremesan oreo, m&m's, kacang-kacangan, marshmallows, graham crackers, sampe gummy bears.

Karena boleh icip-icip gratis akhirnya kepincut sama rasa rum. Pas udah milih es krimnya orangnya naro tuh cakopan eskrim di batu marble beku terus gw ditanya mau topping apa sambil orangnya nunjuk-nunjuk ke hamparan toples-toples di sekitar kita. Graham crakers sama pistachios pilihannya (aneh ya campurannya? cuman jadinya enak kok) trus eskrimnya di bejek2 pake sendok besi sambil nyampurin topingnya. udah selese baru di masukin ke cupnya. setelah di rasa enak skaliiiii! *jadi pengen lagi...-_-'

Sejak hari itu saya slalu balik ke toko itu setiap minggu nyobain yg laen-laen, ternyata rasa es krimnya ganti setiap bulan. dan karena topingnya bejibun ngga abis-abis deh nyobainnya. Sampe sekarang masih kepikiran ama tuh toko. Pengen banget ya, duh kapan bisa balik lagi buat makan es krim doang cuman kayanya ngga worth it ya?

Kemaren waktu di Singapur pernah sih ketemu toko es krim yang lumayan dari pada yang laennya. Rasanya rada-rada mirip sama marble slab cuman ngga ber toping. Kemaren nyobain pistachio es krim sama coconutnya mayan juga.

Trus kemaren lagi chatting trus tiba2 ada yang nyeletuk waffle, aduh saya kan lemah banget ama tipe beginian. Langsung di kepala muncul satu piring berisikan waffle hangat yang baru diangkat dari cetakannya. trus di kasih butter di permukaanya trus bersimbah maple sirup sambil secuil es krim rasa vanilla bean sama bluberry ato apple pie anget sama es krim vanilla pake cinnamon...aduh mulut langsung beraer.

udah ah laperrrr....bahayaaa!

Suddenly Single

2008-08-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

What does one do when this suddenly happen to one's life?

Get Over It.
Move on with life, putting everything behind and just live a normal life. To be able to do this so far is the hardest thing to do. If you're in this stage then there are two probability of either:
1. You're the one who lost interest on your partner and decided to end things or,
2. You're a strong will person that are able to past over your emotion and live your life by the moment. So when you're in your new world you never take everything for granted thus everything could take your mind off of your past relationship therefore you're able to move on rather quickly than others.

I have a friend named let's say Mary who has point number two personality. She's very cool and I respect her that she's able to put everything behind quickly when she has to. But the longer I get to know her, I started to feel like I don't really want to be that strong and as free will as hers. Somehow I got a vibe that she's never satisfied with present acquisition and always strive for more, which in some case are great but not in all case, at least that is what presume. But I could be wrong. I feel like she would never be happy, like being addicted with drugs. She needs more and more dose to satisfy her. But overall I like her for being her.

Mourning.
This is the worst kind you could ever have as a personality. Everything just crashing down in one day and it will affect ones life forever. There are also two criteria of being a mourner:
1. This person does not necessarily love the other half but just scared of being alone, or starting over. Choose to accepts the wrong and hurt it self.
2. This person does care about the other half, regardless he/she know that the relationship is doomed already.

Another friend example of mine, was my high school friend. He was in love with the same girl for more than three years and finally got her when we all already graduated from school. He was a Catholic and she was a Muslim. They were getting serious and his mom was freaking out when he said that he decided to convert on becoming a Muslim and marry his girlfriend. His mom was so opposed to the idea, she decided to send his only son to England and live with his mom's family there. He called me saying how he is being depressed and all and how he just want to be with her. He was so stressed out that he decided to take drugs and overdose and he died the same day. I was stunned when I heard the news and I was thinking, being to in love and to sad is not a good combination, especially when this person isn't very strong. So being melancholy does not always have a good result.

Trying to forget.
I think this is the most common one and so far the most normal behavior to have. When you try to get over a breakup I think it's healthy to went through a phase. Being sad, sudden lostness feeling and being desperate. This is what makes people being normal, although a huge dose on this is dangerous also and could lead someone being the above type. A friend of mine was going out with her boyfriend of five years when he suddenly announced that he had to go back to his country and get married. She was in shock and speechless. She cried and cried for months, stayed at home all the time and never as cheerful as she was before. She was in the sad and miserable phase for nearly a year before one day she felt tired of being sad and decided to go out with her friends and enjoy life. Now she's happier than she ever was when she was still with him. She's more careful with liking a guy cause she didn't want to fall hard twice. He called her a month a go asking her to meet him for a dinner so he could talk things over. She accepted the invitation, because she wanted to know if she does still have a feeling for him or she's over him. It was pretty scary for her at the beginning because she didn't want to be back to a starting point where she figured that she still love him and have to get over him since now he's married and living with his wife. But after their meeting she was relief because now she knows that she's really over him and looking forward for her new phase in life.

Psycho One.
When a person got dumped and couldn't accept the truth so he/she decided to stalk the ex. I think this is pretty scary, because it's becoming an obsession which could end up pretty ugly. I saw shows on TV where lots of this type end up hurting their ex. One of my ex coworker was a beauty, she always get hit by beautiful gorgeous men when we went out together and she always enjoys the attention. One day she had to move out off her apartment because her lease was over and got a new male roommate instead. Long story short the male roommate was living with his long time girlfriend, but my coworker is falling for her roomie. So she made them broke up and made him kicked his gf out of the house (he owned the house) and they started to sleep with each other and soon dating. But because of his previous behavior toward the ex, she became obsessed if he would treat her the same (cheating or liking someone else other than her). So she spies on his every move. His mail, email, cellphone, friends, pretty much everything. It was insane. They fought like crazy, hitting each other and he finally kicked her out just like he did to his ex. The worst thing was, he went back with ex and moved back in. She was crazed. She'll spies on both, calling him and her and threatened them, cussing them and all. It was sad to see her like that. She's beautiful, and she could have get any guys she wants if she wanted to.

I can't think of any other type as for now. But I'm sure I will come up with more in time...
But I guess I haven't write for a long time and a friend of mine called me up this morning updating me with dramas surrounding my college friends. It gives me an idea to write about...
alright I had to end my self right here and make my self go to bed instead. Good night everyone. Sweet dream...